8. Documents Available by Public Records [under construction]

Infractions from prison. Until this section is updated, you can request public records simply by googling the name of the institution (such as “king county jail” or “child protective services” with the words “public records request.”) Many of these types of requests can take up to 6 months, it’s recommended you start this process asap.

911 recordings, police

9. Sources worth Citing in Cases

See our page in News, under Family Law Studies, for scholarly publications that may be useful in your case.

10. Courtroom Etiquette Dos and Don’ts

The following is just my list after observing many hearings and gathering the best tips online for etiquette dos and don’ts when pro se at a hearing or at trial. Courtroom etiquette can say a lot about a person. Sometimes judges will base who they believe to be the more ethical or credible party based on their etiquette.

1. Do not interrupt the judge, other court professionals, or the other party. The judge will give you a turn to speak. It’s recommended you have something you can jot down notes, so when its your turn to speak you can remember. The exception to this rule is objecting in a trial, and those rules are in section 4 Trial Instructions and Forms above.

2. Dress nicely. If its a Zoom, put a professional top on and make your background look nice. If its in person, put a professional top and bottom on, and come looking organized.

3. Address the judge with respect. “Your Honor,” “please,” “if I may…” “thank you,” and refer to the other party’s attorney as “council.”

4. Omit unnecessary details. Sometimes irrelevant facts are necessary to set the scene for an event, but other times irrelevant facts distract the judge from the relevant facts. “On July 3rd 2022, he pushed me, and it reminded me of when I was picked on by my abusive brother and the abuse needs to stop.” Yes, that may have triggered other traumatizing memories, but the only part the court needed to be told was “On July 3, 2022, he pushed me.” Another example, “He pushed me at my mother in laws house after a concert where I was visiting with a friend I hadn’t seen in forever,” again, unnecessary details. On the other hand, “On July 3, 2022 he pushed me, he pushed me so hard I fell and my fall broke the chair behind me,” are necessary details because you breaking the chair shows how hard he pushed you. What’s more effective is listing the events one after another without irrelevant details clogging up the sequence.

5. Use discretion when making arguments that aren’t related to the law and the issue being decided. Bringing up irrelevant arguments why the other party is a bad person isn’t always going to get you what you want. These arguments may support your portrayal of their character, or discredit their credibility so that the judge will believe your other assertions, but proving they are a bad person is not sufficient and cannot be the basis for a DVPO. For example, in a DVPO hearing the judge will not make a DVPO order only on the basis the other party didn’t pay child support or neglected the child when you were together, a finding of a DVPO relies on a finding of domestic violence, and that needs to be the meat of your testimony.

6. Only answer the question, don’t give additional information. Do not use the judge or opposing party asking you a question as an opportunity to insert more arguments in your support, only answer their question, and use your reply or rebuttal for your argument.

7. Stick to objective statements, not subjective or “value judgements.” Give the judge the facts, don’t tell the judge what their opinion should be. “She threw a cup at me” is enough, you don’t need to go on with “that should be enough to grant a DVPO,” or “that tells you what type of person she is.”

8. Don’t ask the judge for legal advice. Even though judges are taught to accomodate pro se, when pro se litigants start asking what to do next, or how to file x, it comes off as a victim cry for help and makes you look entitled (both narcissistic personality disorder traits). There is always someone else at the courthouse who can answer a question about finding a file, order or court date who is not the judge. And most other questions, are best reserved for anyone except your judge.